From Then until Now 3: Straight to the Present

• While I don't quite remember the past very well and what happened exactly, I know I can remember fourth year and now.

 Fourth year was a real journey. It was a complete experience different from level one middle school and fourth year was probably not what I expected before I got into it.

There were so many new things to get a grasp of. For example, the added subject History and, let me tell you, I was NOT pleased with my exam results back then but now I'm getting a hang of it.

 Anywho, fourth year also showed me the often kokurikulum that I was unpleased of going to every Wednesday. Back then I was so confused and I didn't know what the clubs were so I just picked the ones that my dad told me were easier.

Either that, or since I recall, I just wanted to be with Ahilia since she was always the "leader" of our friendship. (Unfortunately some of my chosen clubs aren't the same with Ahilia's due to the sake of my crippling worry of things being too hard.)

 The first day of kokurikulum was rough. I can only remember the confused face o' mine that I had expressed while others stayed calm as if it was a normal day which didn't make sense to me since some of them were also newer to this sort of thing and yet they were calmer than me, which I admit made me jealous.

Once the teachers started calling out the clubs and where they should go, I had listened intently (more than I do usually, anyway.)

From Then until Now 2: (A Flood of Friendships)

 I apologize for not remembering quite well of my past grades, but I'm talking about first year while in the present, fifth year.

I might mix up my stories about first year with second or third, but you can't blame me now, can you? Anywho, after Ahilia I was a bit more social. I told all about her to my parents (at least I think I did) and my dad understood me and her's relationship but not really my mum who works at the school that she teaches at full-time which means getting her to pick me up from school was a bit rare.

From that day on, me and Ahilia are still friends but I proudly admit that I've gained some other people to be (unfortunate) friends (who have gotten into my life and had to listen to me yap about books and such like a baby babbling about milk). 

For example, I've grown a bit close to some of my classmates. Don't consider them friends, but rather more companions. A girl that got in the middle school in second or third grade, that I won't mention whose name since her parents have already signed 'NO' for the borang our head teacher gave us about the parents wanting to or not to let their kids show their faces in school photos, has already been my friend. Very introverted, but still helpful and fun to be around.

Then there's Embun, my second best friend who (I'm sorry Embun) I don't even know how we met but the rest is history. Next there's Sufiyya and Mischka (I think that's how to pronounce their names) who I met because of Embun who introduced me to them. Honestly, Mischka doesn't exactly talk to me a lot cause we're not that close, but Sufiyya likes me since I write a cool story that she keeps asking for me to finish since she wants to read the whole thing.

Oh, and this one might be the most odd. Funny, but odd. Tia was in the same class as Ahilia (after me and Lia got separated into two classes) and it was one random day in maybe third or fourth grade where after my family had gone to Ipoh (if I recall), my dad bought me a cool Golden Snitch keychain that had a watch in it and when I showed it to Ahilia, she said “You should show it to Tia.” as she gestured to Tia who sat at the bench beside us eating chicken as usual.

I was nervous-excited at the thought of getting to talk about things that I love but also scared-hesitant to actually talk to someone that I rarely knew. Like that one time when I had to pay for the canteen food and I had to talk to the lunch lady without knowing what to call her without getting any stares or offended looks like last time with my teacher.

But once I really started talking to Tia, there was a spark that I knew couldn't fade. (At least that's what I thought before she started getting obsessed with Genshin Impact *sad face*).

First it went from Harry Potter. Then LOTR. Then a Rick Riordan book I found at a book fest. And then suddenly to Percy Jackson. And all over back to square one! Quite an interest journey, eh? And only in two or three years.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention Sara, who I met alongside first meeting Tia. (Sorry)

Long story short, I had become much more confident in interacting with people and had even had the guts to talk to a sixth year. (Honestly she just waves to me time-to-time and not much more, but still).

That's it for today's blog. I'll continue either later or tomorrow.

From Then until Now: Pt. 1

 For any relatives seeing this continued work, do not judge me for being curious. I'm merely, dare I say bored, and this is a great opportunity to let out what I've been keeping with me my whole life.

Now, I know I don't really have anything to blog, so I suppose I can talk about my first day at school. (If I can still remember even the faintest details.

Hi. (Again). If you don't already know, or, might just mistake me for one of my other siblings, my name is Safiyyah. That is all I will say for anyone who isn't related to me.

 Kindergarten was so blurry. But you can't blame me, middle school has been for five years and already it's 2024! Haha. Oh, and I remind to anyone seeing this that despite the fact I am still eleven and a young girl who has a lot more vocabulary yet to discover: I DO NOT KEEP A DIARY. Honestly, it's very offensive.

Anyways, Brainy Bunch was too much of a faded memory for me so I will only talk of my middle school days. (Sorry to any of my old teachers from kindergarten).

Middle school. Around 2020 after I had graduated from Brainy Bunch (while being the child of the year in 2019, if I may mention with pride) and I had no idea what to do at this bigger school with newer and older people. I know I had always bragged about having lots of friends back then in kindergarten but JEEZ was it hard to even get a glance at someone in SK BUD(4). 

I remember my parents standing beside me as I begged them not to go away, not wanting them to leave me in such a crowded and big place. But they were only paying attention to the teachers and asking them what class I was supposed to line up at (if I recall as I whined).

They finally left and I was alone, confused and looking around with bewilderment of my new surroundings. The first time we had to stand up and sing the usual perhimpunan songs on Monday, I recognized the first two but was obviously confused with the third one.

Later on, we were ushered into class by some of the prefects and we had finally met our teachers.

“Selamat pagi, cikgu.” all the others said, but oh, with my oblivious knowledge of it all and being taught at an English kindergarten and not the prasekolah right next to the middle school that my parents sought me to go to, I had foolishly called the teacher AUNTIE. 

Yes, auntie was what we needed to call our teachers back then in kindergarten and I was so inexperienced that once I had blurted that out everyone looked at me with those judging looks and I probably looked like a tomato back then. After the teacher told me to call her ‘cikgu’ I had nodded in embarrassment and stayed quiet the whole time.

After that, we had been told to start colouring. Of course, I was unprepared and only had the littlest colours. But then, it was as if something clicked.

That was when I met my first ever friend which I used to bashfully admit she was my only friend. Ahilia. 

She looked over my shoulder and as far as I can remember, she had teased me for not having a lot of colours before noticing, “You have the same colours!” she pointed out the brand of our color pencils and indeed, they were the same.

I don't exactly know why we became so close just because of that, but yeah.

Beginning of a Wasted Talent

 Hi.

If anyone who has seen Shah Baharudin's work before, no, this is not him. I introduce myself and hope I don't disappoint any expecting people waiting for my dad's old work. Instead, I'll try to continue what he had lazily ended.

Struggle

This is me writing down my feelings right now. I have not done this in a while. I read my old posts and sigh , because they were significant. Makes me wonder why I stopped , why I did not pursue this formally or professionally.

I am stuck career wise. I just resigned from a job I hated but could definitely do. Just hated . I resigned without having a job to go to. I have been applying to more than 50 jobs since December last year and only had 2 calls to interviews and a couple of pre interviews

I made this decision with full of confidence , as I am now 34 , and feel that this is the time to get my career goals in line . Not just work for the sake of work , but need a specialty.

I have been around many industries and I can't get past the fact that advertising and marketing is the thing I want to be doing and be better at.

That means agency life again.

The thing is , I know my worth, and experience and knowledge I have accumulated over the years. I just cannot get recruiters to see that.

It's frustrating because your ego says you deserve a higher chance because of your education you acheived overseas . But that's just not the case. I see people from the same batch , same course who gets jobs in major companies.

I am not a lazy person I work hard at every job I get , get things done , and most of the time bosses appreciate that.

To be continued

Inches

Sometimes when I feel stressed and I think too much, I play a scenario in my head where I get up from bed, put on my running shoes and go out for a run.....the scenario ends in 10 seconds, because I get tired. How unfit I am, even in my mind I get tired after running for 10 seconds.

The days go by almost unnoticed. What we did a week ago seems only yesterday, and what we  want to do tomorrow is done. How short life is when that feeling of days going by so fast hits you and you feel that you have done so little to fill up those days, hours, minutes and seconds. Have we done all that we wanted to do in that week? Or have we again given in to procrastination, that mother of all viruses that plagues us. On the other hand, these fast going days have its advantages, for me and my wife, we are now safely (alhamdulillah) into our second trimester. 

The second time around, the nervous feeling was a different nervous, just because firstly, another glimpse of our baby, now a month older than the last time. Has the baby grown steadily, or even the worst fear, is it still moving?? Alhamdulillah, the baby is growing , and moving waving its arms cheerfully. A sense of relief takes over, as the doc calls me to see the monitor and could see a solid shape of the baby, and its arms going up and down towards its mouth...sucking its thumb maybe? All in all, its a great feeling altogether, and I feel humbled by the grace and greatness of Allah.

I don't know if its the impending parenthood, or being closer to my nephew and taking care of my new baby niece , but this morning, watching a video made me feel things I have never felt before. 

After fajar prayers, I got back into bed and scrolled through the fb timeline on my phone, and tapped on a video. The video was on the situation in Palestine. I have known for a few days on what was happening, but honestly I have never watched the kind of images that I was about to see. 

In general, it was not the goriest, or most violent, but I don't know, hearing the cries of the women, the sheer anarchy of the people after getting bombed or being in the vicinity of the bombed area, that struck a bad emotional chord inside of me. I started thinking, how would I react, and also, how amazingly lucky we are to be watching and not be there. I honestly would go crazy or dazed beyond comprehension if that happened to Malaysia, hearing bombs drop, the fear of the bomb dropping on you. How to live with those thoughts everyday?

Then came the part where they show the hospitals and the kids. Ya Allah, the kids. I was overcome with sadness and started shedding tears. Seeing these small children, being injured and shot. In a matter of seconds, I was sobbing, the worst was when this small girl, carrying I would assume her baby sister/brother, who was dead, and she was shouting and screaming for the baby to wake up. Oh Allah. 

After that clip, came another realization , of how useless I am to them. I am crying sympathizing for these brothers and sisters in Islam, but what have I done, or what am I to do? I pray for them, as that is the only immediate thing that I am capable of.

I wonder, what does the neutral think about this situation? How would a person not feel something is not right about what is happening? How can they still not see a guilty party? Put aside religion, can't they see humans are dying for nothing at all? 

Its a matter of inches everyday. Baby is growing few inches every week. Palestinians are dead or not dead within inches of the bomb being dropped. And we inch every week towards total inhumanity if we do not stop injustice in the world. 

Kobe Bryant, Rookie Card ..mint condition

It seems not too long ago, my hobby was to collect basketball trading cards, spent countless of my parents money on them, and I had a pretty good collection too. One of the most valuable was a mint condition Kobe Bryant rookie card. That card had quite value actually. After checking my monthly Beckett magazine, it was worth around 200 USD . Wow.

That story was actually not really true. I did collect the cards, but I never had the Kobe Bryant Rookie Card ...mint condition. Its just that I somehow I thought of my basketball card collection while I was in the waiting room, with my WIFE , both waiting to see the doctor for her first PRE-NATAL checkup. Oh my mind blasting. I am a husband, and a father to be. These things takes a while to sink in. The realization, and the impact it gives me when mind gets blasted always gets me pumped up to be a better man. 

So, mind already blasting, we get called in to the doc's office. She was an aged woman, tall, middle eastern looking and quite scary.headmistress scary. I went in there with a mind set to not sit back and be proactive and ask as many questions possible. So she asks my wife 

Doc : So why are you here ? Why do you need to see me?

Aslina: (looks at me puzzled , thinking the nurse would have told the doc our purpose) Errr...for    my first check-up

Doc : Oh ok, So what  was the date of your last period? 

Me: (Thinking the doc wanted to check if my wife was pregnant...because that was what the first doctor asked when we wanted confirmation ) Ermmm, doc we actually know she's pregnant , we're here for her first pre-natal...

Doc : I know that ... (buat muka cikgu disiplin).. I want to know the date so I can calculate myself.

Me : (Face shy .. and intimidated) Oh , my app says 9 weeks 5 days.

Doc : No ! No..I need the date...I want to calculate myself

Me: (Shuts Up)

Anyway, she warmed up in the end, and after getting the answer she wanted , calculated the same as my app. (she used an oldskool paper dial with numbers on it) 

So the wife gets on the observation table behind the curtain, and I think, ok, she's getting her tummy checked. But then the doc calls me , and I see the ultrasound scan machine, and there it was another Mind BLASTING moment, I see my baby in my baby's belly. It was so clear at first, I could see the arms swaying, feet up and a head shaped head on the screen. Felt emotions like none before, wanted to shed a tear of joy, but for once my macho gene stood firm. The printed picture wasn't that clear tho, but here it is.

Its really not clear, its the white blob above the bottom text. I thought it should be immortalized on the web, officially the first picture of many InsyaAllah.

So the journey starts, monthly checkups, zig zagging appetites (at the moment) and back aches. 

To anyone reading this, share a prayer for us. Pray for the safety of my wife Aslina, and the baby inside her, may they be safe in this wonderful journey that Allah has given us. Aminn

Rendering

This must be a norm for motion designers, file is rendering....estimated time to completion : 4 hours. That, or I was delusional thinking the laptop is powerful enough to handle heavy video editing. Another thing to consider upgrading for my dear FLOW

I have been wanting to write something for a while now. Thanks to the auto analysis of the blogspot engine, I can safely say that these posts wont even reach 2 or 3 pairs of eyes. Long gone are the days that I knew people were reading this blog, for one reason or another, partly due to a lack of interesting content, and also the lack of posts. Probably kicked off a few lists too. Heh. Even if that is the case, It gives me more freedom in the mind posting my thoughts, rather than just writing it on microsoft word. Probably it symbolizes that my thoughts would be sent into the universe and reach , even though no one reads it.

In a space of 2 weeks, I have given advice to 2 close friends on relationships. After the second person, I had a random thought that I could maybe be a psychiatrist or a school councilor. Hahaha. I feel I got through to my friends , and gave them sound and logical advice based on the almighty. It felt good as always. These weren't the first friends. I think I miss being the reliable friend in subang sometimes. Living outside of Subang Jaya has taken a toll on the amount of time I spend with my friends. When I do sit in, I felt the same feeling the first time I came back from NZ, sitting there not knowing and not willing to butt in. A brother called me out on that once , and his words are coming back to me these days. 

I think the stress and frustration of not playing any futsal/football/soccer is causing the nostalgia. That one or two hour futsal session and hot tea after with the boys are enough to keep me in the loop. This has been the longest I have gone without playing the beautiful game. 6 weeks if tonight is cancelled as well. I understand everyone has priorities these days, I have them too. Just want that one constant in a week. I have even tried reaching out to other groups for a taste of the sport, but even they cancel each week. Oh man... Only video games and BPL matches satisfy a humongous craving. In all actuality, like smaller drugs, it increases the hunger even more ! Dah tak tau main bola kot by now. 

The majority of us Kakibangkus are now happily married Alhamdulillah, The demographic has changed significantly this year, with no less than 6 that tied the knot. Last years unions have already shown dividends in the baby department, one delivered, one any day now, and 2 more are expecting early next year. I am humbled and privileged after so many years, our core friendships are still here, and continuing to the next generation. It is refreshing to see that our individual silent vows of staying friends are being kept. InsyaAllah.

Dangg, this actually worked. Feeling much much better. My brain is probably too small, need to unload to have full optimization. 

First of all..

First of all, I have left blogging for so long, they changed the layout ..

So, I am a married man now. Last post was a bit before I was married, and now I am a husband. Heee 

Married life is all that you hear from your uncle, aunty, brother your cousin brother, your cousin sister made it all out to be. All and more actually. My friends keep asking how it feels, and I can't seem to able to explain to them because it's a first hand experience kind of thing. Take all you know about your partner, and think that is 100 % of who he or she is...well you are dead wrong. You know maybe less than 1 %. You will only know after you're married, you sleep in the same bed, share the same sheets, and so on and so forth. I am loving every minute learning about my wife. Come to think of it, after being married, the point when you think you know everything about your girlfriend/ fiancee /tunang , that would be the best time to get married. Yeah...that would be my advice to all of yous out there.

Meatloaf I have discovered , after great and long wonderment , has the same ingredients as our  own murtabak, except its baked....I think. Gonna make meatloaf and try soon.

And after this mindless uninspiring post, I leave you with this video that has inspired me and some quite mind-blasting level 

Let's Wake Up !  

Thanks and pray for me that I get inspired again to keep writing , however dull the content is.

Resolutions, Kings and Countdowns

To Shah


Blogging or writing seems very distant to you these days. Last year there were probably only 2 posts. I know that you have been feeling locked out from your mind these past few months. Hopefully this post helps you realize your minds potential (cheh) , and maybe work, conversations and general train of thought will flow like it used to.


It is already 2012 my man.  Remember those memories that feel so recent in your mind?, but actually is one, two even three years ago. You felt so sure that the KB family day was a couple of months ago, but in all actuality it was a year. Time flies by so fast, so very fast. 


Its been three years, three whole years that you decided to open your heart for a girl, that girl who will be your wife in approximately 5 months from now. Your wife weh! Its surreal but at the same time exciting to think that in these times of time flying by so quickly, in 5 short months, you will be her husband. To be partners in life, to forever cement our initial friendship. Its almost time to build a life with a million and one possibilities, and Alhamdulillah , Allah has given you the clarity that you have made the right choice. I for one think you picked a winner bruv. Good on ya !.


Now, this year Shah, I want you to set goals, and work harder to achieve them. Yeah I know you are an "entrepreneur" but that does not mean you want be one of those that goes to the office at 12 noon and leave at 6 do ya. You're entitled to maybe one day, maybe Friday's, but not half the week. Buck up my man, you need to buck up !


Oh and for the love of god, please don't give up over setbacks. You're strong, and determined. I know. Rediscover your determination of yesteryear. You are the most determined person I know, you were famous for it, you would get what you want if you set your mind on it.


Be more adventurous in life in all aspects. Try new things, meet more people, networking is key to building up Flow. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You can do so much yourself.


In fact, that should be your mantra, Live life ,be adventurous, stay grounded, and keep the faith!


January isn't going so well yeah?  Unfortunate events etc. Stay strong, believe in the power of Allah, and what is being dealt to you is always followed with a blessing one day down the road, Keep the faith.


SO


I'll write to you from time to time, just to keep you in check. I got your back, always.


Ps:


I know you watched the game last night. The king of Arsenal was back to show glimpses of the good ol days. His celebration brought me the certain kind of joy and overwhelming emotion that has been lacking these days. It was written for him, almost fixed. But I don;t care, he showed em, even if its was just Leeds.


From:


Shah

Blogging : 101

It seems ages since I had typed anything worth reading in this blog. I myself still don't believe that I wrote what I wrote when I read my posts after a while. It seems that I myself don't think I write well. A big sign of low self esteem I wonder? ...


Where was I? 


"posts worth reading"...right.


I remember when I first blogged, it was really gibberish, those daily logs of what I did everyday and so on and so forth. I felt that it wasn't me at all. Then I dabbled in short stories, well paragraphs really, because I don't consider them in the category of stories. I was amazed, again, at what I wrote, constantly prompting self reality checks. I admit, it was no masterpiece and who am I to judge a great literary piece?, but on the other hand, I thought it had flow, which is the most important thing in a story if I do say so myself. But somehow, after a year of excitement in wanting to write more "stories", the spark...the spark that goes off when you want to write that important scene,...it was gone. Just like that. 


But then..


I was in New Zealand. I had things to write about, and people actually started reading my posts. It was a great feeling. 


Being able to write about anything, feeling the flow of continuous thumps on the keyboard and not resorting to saving a post as a draft for later editing, is one of the most satisfying accomplishments I would say on a daily level. Its like getting your tasks done on schedule. Makes you feel you can sit back at the end of a tiring day, and fall asleep without knowing when you fell asleep because you have no worries in the world....


She was the reason I logged in to my dashboard, thinking its worthy to share. 


She always thinks that she's the lucky one, but without sounding to much of a cliche', she has no idea that I am the one who is lucky. I see her constantly making the effort, everyday surprising me until I sometimes sit still, and thank god for the opportunity to have her in my life everyday. I count the days when we have that clarity and calm to build a life together. I pray to Allah that day will come soon.


Amin.

Settled

All of us, god's creations have milestones that we reach either planned or unplanned. Recently I have reached another milestone, which was receiving my bachelors degree from Massey University in New Zealand. Although I have officially passed my papers almost 6 months ago, I think for me and I think for a lot of other people, the ceremony makes it really really official. 


I was reluctant to go for the ceremony at first, but seeing Mak light up when she knew she would be attending her final and last child's graduation ceremony made me change my mind. For me, it was a pretty unplanned trip, as the tickets and the overall planning of the trip was last minute. The tickets were quite a bargain, far cheaper than the tickets I bought going back home for the holidays when I was there. So on the 7th of May, we were on a plane to New Zealand.


Arrived in Palmy after taking a flight from Auckland as usual, and were greeted by familiar faces of Hadi and Iylia. They took us to the motel of Fitzherbert. I was expecting to feel a bit lost, like a tourist, but I guess 6 months is not enough to make you feel like a stranger in your own home of 3 years. 


The days leading up to the ceremony on the 10th were filled with hangouts at coffee where Mak and Kak Yang loved the cappuccino's at various coffee shops around Palmy. Visited the new wing of Plaza, and brought them to the campus. It was a shame that it was nearing winter, as the flowers were already getting ready to wither away in the cold. Mak would have appreciated the greenery and the vibrant colors. Also had the opportunity to hang out with the boys.


Graduation day started early for me as I had to collect the robe from the hokowhitu campus. Went along with Safwan, and got back to the hotel. It was still early so caught a couple more hours sleep. Got ready at around 11, and proceeded to town for coffee and waited a bit more until it was time to enter the theater where it was going to be held.


I made my way to my seat, and being the first time being in the regent, I was impressed and regretted not catching the theater or plays that were on offer when I was in Palmy. Was seated next to Marveys, which was cool as I had someone to talk to while the ceremony took place. 


Waited for half hour or so till it was my turn. Alhamdulillah, it went smoothly, did not make a fool of myself on stage, and was capped by the chancellor of Massey, shook his hand and proceeded off the stage and back to my seat. 3 years and thousands upon thousands of dollars spent, and the climax was those 20 seconds on stage of the chancellor. But having said that, I am proud of my degree. 


I am proud of myself that I held out to go to New Zealand, and wanting to live and experience. I am proud that I did not give up when I failed those papers that set me back a half year. I am honored to meet the people I met when I was there and left still calling them friends. I am especially proud that I proved that going away means you have to compromise or let go of your morals, principals and your iman. I am not perfect but I know now that I am who I am regardless.


I know that not all if any who I thank here will know or read this, but thanks to all that have supported and believed and have guided me throughout that stage. I know now I have a whole new phase, chapter to learn and make mistakes, and hope that all will be there for that too.

Unexpected

As the saying goes, we only have the ability to plan, but whether or not those plans get executed and realized is all Allah's will. 

Went to Redang 3 weeks ago, for a break cum business trip. We went there, (we being me, Rahmat, Ag, and Ikie) practically unplanned. Just packed our bags and drove up to Terengganu. Won't bore you with the details, but I would like to point out that never in a million years I would ever expect going on trips with the guys mentioned. It is not normal, because they are not from the same ol' gang I am so used to going trips with. It isn't a bad thing, these guys are great, but that just shows how life evolves into unexpected scenarios such as these. Rahmat I only met in New Zealand,....Ikie, although a schoolmate, but never was close (like now)...and AG I only met once through Aizat, and then got closer when I started work. It didn't hit me at first, but chilling at the resort dining area, and around me was no Hafiz, the one constant road trip member...then I realized, life is changing.

The trip went well, and I can honestly say, getting away from things to talk about things is good for the mind and soul. Being on an Island makes thinking of other things and wanting to do so many things at once impossible. Discussions were good, and productive, and made things clearer, which pumped us up for things to come. But we can only plan...Half way back to KL, god tests us. Things happen, and it is up to us to get through these trying times, and accept the tests god has given us. After 2 weeks of riding through a dilemma, we have found a solution, and hopefully, it will work out.

Now, on a lighter subject, as you might have read, I have bought my first car, a Honda City. Browsing through the net, I have found this

Pretty garang isn't it. Haha. Angan2 jer ni....will take a few years before I add anything to my car which is pretty much complete inside out. But I have to say, this bodykit looks fierce, bodykit jer la, Still not sure bout those headlights.

I am leaving for NZ in less than 3 weeks. And yikes, I have much to do before then...better get on it.

Little Boy

For those reading that know me personally (which is probably the case as I doubt those who read my posts are strangers, if there are people who still read these posts), I am someone who rarely shows his emotions in public. Countless friends of Meqsu have asked her how she copes with my inability to show emotions, but she knows and I know I am a different creature around her..heh. The point is, I am known for my quiet nature.If I meet you, yes you meaning any of you, and I seem uninterested, thats just me, don't take offence, I do listen, trust me.

I have continued being emotionless despite getting my car, my second car after the legendary Toyota Celica that served me so well in New Zealand. Although I have not shown it through my facial expression, inside, I am feeling like a little boy who just got an expensive new toy. Alhamdulillah, as stated, I got my car last Wednesday and it is more relief rather than joy, but I am very happy. The car drives great (Its new, sure la great kan...but I remain optimistic nonetheless), thank god, as I didn't even test drive the car before I paid the booking fee. It was quite a spontaneous decision on my part, caused by differing opinions from friends and family. I really was set on buying a second hand car, first choice being an old school BMW, and then a used Vios, but when Mak repeatedly says to me "jangan degil, jangan beli second hand...", I conceded. I am a believer that when Mak says the same thing a few times, I better listen. 

Its a good feeling having that freedom of saying yes to any invitations and not having to ask permission from others. I am so thankful for Mak lending her car to me, which helped a lot with work. But yeah, now I feel like road tripping, haha...It was always my buddies that drove long distance, and now, I can do that. 

Everyone is taking their clothes off

There has been a heat wave in an already warm country. I can safely say, if laws allowed them to go out in public in their underwear, people would. 


Even in the center of Malaysia it has been hot waves of hot air, not necessarily caused by direct sunlight, but the air around us is definitely hot. I am sitting here in the office, a non-air conditioned office, wiping sweat off my forehead every 15 seconds. I may or not be in my boxers shirtless, but I will just leave that to your imagination if that's the case, (imagine me couple of years back eh, if imagine me now maybe you'll start vomitting on top of the headache caused by the heat..haha)


Anyhoo, if there are still anyone else but my self indulgent self reading this post, my confirmation letter to graduate arrived a couple of weeks ago to my relief. I have always been paranoid that I counted my credits wrong, and actually I didn't graduate, and have to be a student again...oh the horror!!. On that note, I will be flying back to New Zealand for my graduation ceremony on the 7th of May. Will have to plan a road trip route soon to take Mak ans Kak Yang around NZ.


I am enjoying my life post-study, even with the impossible clients, the unresponsive printers, and increasing weight. My life has definitely shifted mentally, and alhamdulillah, it has been a good transition so far. Again, FLOW is up and running, and pray that I don't lose my determination in pursuing my dreams, that I do my best, and will never neglect my responsibilities as a muslim. Amin.


I am waiting anxiously for my car to arrive, without seeming too anxious to my friends and family, but I am!. Just want to give mak her car back, so she's not bored at home all the time. Insyallah, soon...please Michelle (salesperson of the showroom), within the next 2 weeks...


This has been good. I will write more.

Things we wish we could do

There are times that you play a scene in your head, things that we wish would happen but would never ever want it to really happen to them because its a bad consequence. I wonder if that warrants a sin. I think it does, but sometimes you just can't help it. 


This always happens when some smart hamba Allah double parked but does not have the decency to stay nearby. I double park but I always make sure i'm at a honks distance so that I can move immediately. When that happens, I always have the urge to take out my imaginary sledgehammer from my car boot, and smashing the car that double parked. Then, I would release the handbreak and move it slightly. Finally I would leave a note saying: 


"I moved your car for you, no need to thank me..."


In other news, I am now on my own employment wise, "self employed", leaving the previous company after just 3 months. Haha. We just decided to part ways, and Alhamdulillah, everything was smooth, and no hard feelings. Wish Louco Media all the best. Enter FLOW MEDIA. 


FLOW MEDIA is up and running and our 3 main services are Brand Consulting, Creative Solutions, and Exhibitions and Events. We are a new company, but not at all inexperienced. We are eager to work and give it our all, pulun habis-habisan. Success or failure, we will see, but we will be giving our best, insyAllah. For any further inquiries, contact me, as our website is still under construction. Pray for me and my company's success people.


And lastly, I would like to turn you attention to 2 blogshops, of my sisters, Kak Linda withe Ar-Raiyan, which sells selendang, scarves, and accessories such as bracelets, and rantai semi-precious stones. And the other is Sugarjude, by sisters in Subang Jaya (dunno if they want to remain anonymous, so to avoid being scolded no need la to mention names..haha) Links are provided on the panel to the right.


Till next time.

post results

I have officially passed all my papers which means that I have graduated from Massey University with a degree in business studies majoring in International Business. Alhamdulillah, I could not have done it with all the prayers from my family and friends. Graduating means I am back for good, won't have to be away from my family, my friends, my Malaysia, my Aslina. It has been a blessed year 2009, tough but rewarding in the end.


I was thinking of changing the blog name and layout and stuff...but I think I'll keep everything for now. I feel the title still serves its purpose for now, (meaning I am too lazy to change everything..heh). 


Life, as I said has been good. Back home for good, after 3 years abroad. Despite most people asking, if I would be bored re-entering working life, I am enjoying it more now after realizing being a student is working hard without getting paid. Its easier I guess, in terms of you have fun most of the time, and work hard for exams and assignments, but at the end of the day, I feel that I have reached a point where I wanna earn my keep another way, through working, and trying my very best not to bother Mak about financials. Its time to grow up. 


I have started working already, continuing for now with Louco Media, a multimedia design company in Ara Damansara. Actually have been working commission based for the past year, but now its full time, full on with Louco. Anyone needs our services please feel free to contact me ya? design, photography, corporate videos, events and consulting. 


Insyallah, me and the family will travel to New Zealand in May for my graduation ceremony, so have to save up for the airfare and the accommodation. Need to plan the trip carefully so everything will flow accordingly...will get on it soon.  


Just thought I would update a bit since the last post was left hanging for some, but most readers of this blog would already know the outcome. 




Later people

The Uncertainty

To date, it has been 2 weeks since I have been back in Malaysia, and as amazing it has been, there still is that uncertainty that has been playing around in my mind. I came back before my results are out, results that will determine my plans. I have checked MyMassey twice now, in anticipation of maybe at least one grade pooping up to ease my worries, but nada...

and its the final month...

Its October. Finally, its my last month insyAllah as a student of Academics, because as they say, you never stop being a student after you leave school. I am excited to go back to Malaysia to be honest. I know most of you would say "apa bender lah kau Shah...Malaysia jugak kau nak..". Yes, I want Malaysia, because I am Malaysia. Many would say its bad now, with the politics and the crime and bad economy, the weather, the inconsiderate people. But, hey, if we Malaysians don't wanna live in our own country, who would? If we aren't willing to do something about it...who would?. Anyways, pardon my few sentences of ranting, but too many have said the same things, which are undeniably true, but why run away when we should stay and make things better. hehe

I have 2 assignments more to go, and a test, then its just counting the days to the end of October for my exams. I have started to pack a couple of bags, and hope to send them back ahead of my flight soon. Apart from that, I need to sell a few of my possessions, some unwanted, some required to help me last this final month. I am trying to sell them to friends, but it is hard at this stage, as not only myself are low on finances, especially in the closing months of the semester. I just hope everything falls into place, and get my stuff sorted before we have to move out of Marne St.

Someone asked me, "tak sedih ker bulan-bulan terakhir kau?". I actually at this moment have no straight answer for that, but leaning towards a "No". I have had friends that have left for good, who try their hardest not to go back to Malaysia. They love it here. I just like it here. Malaysia has so much more meaning to me. I know most of you would say, "eleh, ader awek skarang mesti lah Malaysia ader more meaning". I agree, she has given more meaning, but Malaysia just fits me better, the air I breathe is more sweeter in Malaysia, smog and smoke and heat and humidity runs through my veins. Clean air, cold winds just makes me ill too many times, haha. I can safely say cold weather..I had enough. Only vacations after this, no more living through it.

I can say that, I will miss this country. How can I not. I have grown so much over the past 3 years. The laughter and tears and evolving mentally will always be remembered. Friends I have made, Malaysians and from other countries, I will cherish. I know this post is somewhat pre mature. There would be every chance that I would not pass one paper, and have to eat my words, hehe..but i'm pretty confident that would not happen, insyAllah.

I will try and post something before I really leave.

In other news, my nephew will be a month old in a couple of days. So here are pictures of him....




The bottom right picture is probably the only picture I have seen him actually opening his eyes. Heh. Comel gak ah budak nih.

Later People

Untuk Raiyan Azzim

After months of eagerly waiting, finally my first ever nephew was born on the 3rd of September 2009. He is named by his parents, my abang and kak linda, Raiyan Azzim. Syukur Alhamdulillah, he is healthy, the mother is healthy, our family is truly blessed.

Meet Raiyan Azzim bin Ozidin...



He is very the fair, like his mother. At present time, i think he looks very much like Kak Linda, putih dan bulat. hehe. I for one was actually worried for the two, as complication after complications came, due dates were pushed forward and back. So for my nephew, my first of many acts of affection for you, and since I am not there to greet you in person, this is my present.. Nazarku untuk kamu...




(to readers, sorry for the ugly bald headed me, look away...look away)

now our hair the same length..hehe

To Mak, Kak Yang and Abang..It has always been the four of us for the longest time, we are truly blessed that in a year, our family has grown by two. Caya-lah Kak Wati !...hehe. May god continue to bless our family.

Raiyan, i'll be back soon to teach you football, because your Abah is kakibangku for real. hehe. Kidding abang,...

Hasta Luego