Sometimes when I feel stressed and I think too much, I play a scenario in my head where I get up from bed, put on my running shoes and go out for a run.....the scenario ends in 10 seconds, because I get tired. How unfit I am, even in my mind I get tired after running for 10 seconds.
The days go by almost unnoticed. What we did a week ago seems only yesterday, and what we want to do tomorrow is done. How short life is when that feeling of days going by so fast hits you and you feel that you have done so little to fill up those days, hours, minutes and seconds. Have we done all that we wanted to do in that week? Or have we again given in to procrastination, that mother of all viruses that plagues us. On the other hand, these fast going days have its advantages, for me and my wife, we are now safely (alhamdulillah) into our second trimester.
The second time around, the nervous feeling was a different nervous, just because firstly, another glimpse of our baby, now a month older than the last time. Has the baby grown steadily, or even the worst fear, is it still moving?? Alhamdulillah, the baby is growing , and moving waving its arms cheerfully. A sense of relief takes over, as the doc calls me to see the monitor and could see a solid shape of the baby, and its arms going up and down towards its mouth...sucking its thumb maybe? All in all, its a great feeling altogether, and I feel humbled by the grace and greatness of Allah.
I don't know if its the impending parenthood, or being closer to my nephew and taking care of my new baby niece , but this morning, watching a video made me feel things I have never felt before.
After fajar prayers, I got back into bed and scrolled through the fb timeline on my phone, and tapped on a video. The video was on the situation in Palestine. I have known for a few days on what was happening, but honestly I have never watched the kind of images that I was about to see.
In general, it was not the goriest, or most violent, but I don't know, hearing the cries of the women, the sheer anarchy of the people after getting bombed or being in the vicinity of the bombed area, that struck a bad emotional chord inside of me. I started thinking, how would I react, and also, how amazingly lucky we are to be watching and not be there. I honestly would go crazy or dazed beyond comprehension if that happened to Malaysia, hearing bombs drop, the fear of the bomb dropping on you. How to live with those thoughts everyday?
Then came the part where they show the hospitals and the kids. Ya Allah, the kids. I was overcome with sadness and started shedding tears. Seeing these small children, being injured and shot. In a matter of seconds, I was sobbing, the worst was when this small girl, carrying I would assume her baby sister/brother, who was dead, and she was shouting and screaming for the baby to wake up. Oh Allah.
After that clip, came another realization , of how useless I am to them. I am crying sympathizing for these brothers and sisters in Islam, but what have I done, or what am I to do? I pray for them, as that is the only immediate thing that I am capable of.
I wonder, what does the neutral think about this situation? How would a person not feel something is not right about what is happening? How can they still not see a guilty party? Put aside religion, can't they see humans are dying for nothing at all?
Its a matter of inches everyday. Baby is growing few inches every week. Palestinians are dead or not dead within inches of the bomb being dropped. And we inch every week towards total inhumanity if we do not stop injustice in the world.